THE HIATUS

... after a looooonnnggg absence from the blogging world, I am back... because Blogger Admin was nice enough to fix my account... tnx guys! i know you can pull it off although I had to wait for several weeks hehehe...

... well, where to start... dami nang nangyari... my last blog was on the 12th of October which was 3 months ago pa!

... October... hmmm... i don't remember much about what happened last October so I'll skip this one...

... November, aside from my very uneventful birthday, nothing much happened...

... December... ahh... Xmas break... prior to that, a fun Xmas party with 4A1-8 group on December 20 and a very sad, life and perspective-changing xmas party with the 4B1-6 group on the 21st...

... last december 20, we went to Divisoria (contrary to our press release which was Greenhills)... I had so much fun eventhough my feet were killing me... bought alot of things there... ahhh before that pala, my sister and I went to Tiendesitas... it was a cool place... alot of really cheap stuff... Ii found a pair of pants for PhP500 (USD10)!!! pero I didn't buy it kasi ala ako budget hehehe... I ended up buying two cool shirts for PhP250 each (USD5)...

... to continue, and to make the looooonnnnngggg and traumatic story short, I lost my cellphone last december 21, at a xmas party with the 4B1-6 group. it was a total bummer because of all the cellphones I had, it was the one which I was most attached to... i lost it amongst a group of people whom I thought I could trust... I'm not blaming a specific person because I don't know who took it... needless to say, some people were so apathetic with what happened....

... some stupid person got carried away and spilled beer on us after a photo op. that really pissed me off... meaning I walked out... another person told me... "anong problema mo?" in the most annoying tone you could possibly hear. writing about what happened isn't helping me... it only brings back horrid memories... and I really didn't like the way people asked me "what happened?", "why this, why that?"... can't you see I can't think straight?... so I am sparing you the details...

... a couple of guys dropped me off here in GGS after I walked out... it was a nice gesture... thanks...

... so I spent my whole Xmas vacation enduring the taunts and sarcasms from people who really didn't understand...

... who else to blame but me... I was at fault... always am... never should have done this, and that... my lesson? And the one I am going to hold on for the rest of my life... NEVER TRUST ANYONE even if they call you part of their family, or they say they are your truest of true friends... My only true friend is my self... you assholes... backstab me again and you'll surely get it...


... so for this month (January) aside from cost cutting, I am no longer going to hang out with any group. Which is a relief on my part because I can again choose the place where I wanna eat, i don't have to wait for anyone, I can go to places I want to go ... the possibilities are endless as compared to when you're a part of a carpool.... you must to succumb to their time, their schedule, their diet...

... I am not saying I can make it on my own already... sure I can still talk to them but say, to hang out with them? naaahhh I don't see that coming...

... besides, I am sooo fed up with the word lashing... I am not perfect... if you don't see that, well, you're stupid... how hard is it to understand that trust is very important to me after what happened... don't expect that everything will be alright... because they won't... that there are better things in life than being stuck in a quagmire of abhorrent experiences.... there are for sure... that is why I am taking the first step of distancing myself from people who cause me so much stress...

... people who:
1. think you're someone other than what you are showing to them...
2. want you to be someone you're totally not...
3. think they're too good for your company...
4. stereotype you; put you in a box...
5. ridicule your flaws...
6. think you're really lazy (which in this case, I am... I just don't want people rubbing that in without encouraging me to change)...
7. calls h**selves your bestfriend but experiences parapraxis... then takes back what has been said... which is... STUPID... if that is how you see me, then fuck you!
8. compare you to people...
9. think they're too intelligent to be hanging around with a lowlife like me...
10. doesn't care about your feelings; very insensitive...
11. brags about h** money making you feel like you're a nobody, a puny insect that needs to be stepped on...
12. send you SMS just to ask you... when, where, who, what, how... am I a walking information center? it may be ok ONCE.... but do it constantly? damn you have to pay attention and read the bulletin board! it's all there!...
13. think something is wrong with me... why does it always have to be me? there is nothing wrong with me! what made you say that? things have never been this OK! maybe something is wrong with you! have you ever thought about that?...
14. always say sorry... a friend once told me... "it's better to be careful than to say sorry all the time..."
15. go through your things like it's not a private thing...
remember I am having trouble trusting people...
16. rub everything in...
17. rob you of right to grieve and be sad...
18. think they understand you but completely fails at it...

... i could go on ans on... but for now, that is my list...

... I may have offended some people with the things I wrote but this is how I feel... I may not be able to say these in-you-face -- I still need to muster the courage to do that -- but I hope you respect me nonetheless for blogging them. Until that time comes when I can directly tell you... "I was offended by that," I guess I still have to rely on my blog as my comfort zone.... off to my next topic...